Etude of Goodbyes

It is my first time on this road.

The never ending promises of forever made my heart filled with hope. The cloud nine moments we both shared whenever we have our dates made me think of ‘US’ in the future. The lingering sweet kisses left on my lips when we part ways and wish each other good night made me wish of forever.

To me, it felt like a dream.

Days passed and you’re still standing on the same spot, waiting for me whenever my shift ends. Weeks had gone and a special bond was made pampered with trust. Months went by and you still surprise me with something you probably came up with the help of the internet. And somehow, all of those things turned into a nightmare.

What happened?

You lied to me by saying I am the only one. You hurt me by saying that she even carries your child now. You wrecked me by leaving with guilt in your brown eyes paired with the words ‘sorry’ and ‘goodbye’ like those can mend the disaster that’s coming.

Is this the price of loving too much?

I gave you what I thought would make you happy. My heart that I hope you’d never break. My time that I expected you’d never waste. And my all that I anticipated that you’d never taken for granted.

Is this the cost of going against what other people say is right?

We’re both men. YES! But love isn’t about gender. I never love you just because you’re a HE. I love you because you are YOU. Nothing more. Nothing less. I thought that would be enough and okay. Yet, another goodbye came crashing on my way.

And now…

I found myself naked with another stranger whom I met on the club last night. Or was it on Grindr or Blued perhaps? I asked myself. I honestly don’t know!

I stared at the man in the bed. He’s the fifth man that I had slept with after you decided to leave me.

I picked my clothes lying on the floor and put it on. I went to the bathroom for ten minutes. And eventually found my way to the main door.

I did a quick mental note on two important things as I opened it.

One thing I’ve learned after you left me? Holding on to things will only break your heart.

One thing I’ve perfected since you were gone? The art of “Hello. Hi. Goodbye.” and everything in between it [even the killing part].

I glanced at the lifeless body on the bed one last time.

I smiled and finally, closed the door.

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About the Author

Carl Nino RenonManaging Editor

Carl is a BS Accountancy graduate from the University of Northern Philippines. He was the Editor-In-Chief of JPIA-UNP's The Ledger for two years. He likes listening to music and watching movies or kdramas during his spare time. He loves reading fantasy books intended for ages 8-12 and mostly dives into mysteries and thriller novels from his favorite authors. Sometimes when he feels like it, he switches to YA novels with ordinary plots and twists. He's aspiring to become a thriller writer someday. He often takes pictures with his phone and posts it on his Instagram account.